GRIEF
Dr. Miriam Adahan
FOOD JAIL: TO CURE FOOD ADDICTIONS
Dr. Miriam Adahan
A recent survey showed that almost 85% of girls age 13-25 suffer from food addictions – anorexia, bulimia or obesity. When people are bored or stressed, food is often the most handy “mother substitute” and source of quick pleasure. Over-eating is not necessarily a sign of deep psychological problems. After all, most dogs are also overweight today! Every cell in our bodies contains thousands of opiate receptors, driving us to seek pleasure. If we don’t satisfy this need in a positive manner, we are likely to end up either medicated or addicted.
Up in Heaven, the students were all seriously studying Martyrdom - SURVIVAL SKILLS ON PLANET EARTH one of the most popular classes in the Yeshiva Shel Mala. The room was quite crowded, and there was a long waiting list to get in to prepare for their mission to help the Jewish people, which again was in terrible straits. The Chief Rabbi was showing a live broadcast of events live from Israel and the students were quite shocked.
This evening, as I packed up my precious box of Chanukah supplies – dreidels, menorahs and divrei Torah which I’ve collected through the years, I wondered if I would be here next year to unpack this box. It has been a difficult Chanukah, though people tried so hard to be happy, despite the constant terror attacks and “hot alerts.” A week before Chanukah, 11 people, most of them children, were killed in another suicide bombing, and the front page picture of 11 black body bags lined up so neatly on a Jerusalem side street kept haunting me.
Almost daily, people ask me if they should put their children or themselves on psychiatric medication. There is no way to answer such a complex question in a short article. However, I would like to provide some guidelines, as we are inundated with advertising which promises to deliver happiness and tranquility or at least “take the edge off” by merely popping a pill. The ads are certainly effective. Prozac-like drugs for children was up 74% between 1995-99. Mood stabilizers rose by 4000%. Some 85% of young women between 12 and 28 suffer food disorders and most of them will be medicated. Ritalin production increased by over 700% between 1990-98. Just hint to a doctor that you are a bit sad or anxious and bingo - the prescription is in your hand.
FINDING THE MACCABEE WITHIN
Dr. Miriam Adahan
SHOULD I MEDICATE MYSELF OR MY CHILD?
Dr. Miriam Adahan
PSYCHOLOGY:
No, I don’t have a sealed room. I can’t bear the idea of no fresh air in my bedroom. And no, I haven’t opened my 1991 Gulf War mask since I tried it on once back then for about 30 seconds and felt like I was going to suffocate to death. I’ve read reports stating that the gas masks are only effective for about an hour and a half, so it seems futile to depend on them. Yes, I’ve head the other side, too, about how important it is to prepare for terrorism, including having a 90-day supply of food. But since I have what is known as a “nervous stomach,” and subsist mostly on fresh fruits and vegetables, canned foods is simply not a viable possibility. It’s not that I’m such a sanguine person. I’m not one of those naturally cheerful types who sail through life without pain or trauma. Far from it! Domestic battles have left me with a high degree of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So I’m feeling at least as vulnerable and petrified as the next guy.
THE REAL WAR – IN OUR HEARTS AND MINDS
Dr. Miriam Adahan
Many psychologists and advisors are prone to overly optimistic promises about the power of communication to solve all problems. They urge people to, "Share your feelings," and "Talk it out until the problem is resolved." However, this advice can be disastrous! Not everyone values emotional honesty. Not everyone has time to listen. And a lot of people will use your personal information against you!
THE COMMUNICATION TRAP
Dr. Miriam Adahan
We have a stringent duty to honor our parents. But are there limits? A well-known Gemara praises a Roman officer for maintaining his composure even after his mother tore his clothes and spit in his face in public (Kiddushin 31a). Many cite this story as proof that a child must passively submit to abuse by a parent. This view is mistaken and can lead to terrible tragedies. First, the Maharshal, wrote that the above situation refers if a parent suffers from dementia and is clearly not responsible for his actions. He states that if a child feels emotionally ill around a parent, he must set definite limits, such as moving far away. The Rambam states that parents "should not impose too heavy a burden upon their children or be too exacting regarding their duty to honor him, lest they cause the children to rebel" (Mishneh Torah).
ARE THERE LIMITS TO KIBUD HORIM?
Dr. Miriam Adahan