THE REAL WAR – IN OUR HEARTS AND MINDS

 

Dr. Miriam Adahan

 

No, I don’t have a sealed room. I can’t bear the idea of no fresh air in my bedroom. And no, I haven’t opened my 1991 Gulf War mask since I tried it on once back then for about 30 seconds and felt like I was going to suffocate to death. I’ve read reports stating that the gas masks are only effective for about an hour and a half, so it seems futile to depend on them. Yes, I’ve head the other side, too, about how important it is to prepare for terrorism, including having a 90-day supply of food. But since I have what is known as a “nervous stomach,” and subsist mostly on fresh fruits and vegetables, canned foods is simply not a viable possibility. It’s not that I’m such a sanguine person. I’m not one of those naturally cheerful types who sail through life without pain or trauma. Far from it! Domestic battles have left me with a high degree of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So I’m feeling at least as vulnerable and petrified as the next guy. 

 

And yes, each time I visit my daughter and only grandson, I wonder if I will ever see them again. They live within spitting distance of Tulkarem, one of the biggest terror centers in the world. When my son asked me last week how many rolls of fax paper I need, I said, “One!” He said, “I’ll bring you ten. That should last for at least two years.” I didn’t tell him what I was thinking – how can I plan so far ahead! I mean, will the world still be here in two years?” I was silent. Let him think big! He’s young and a lot more self-confident than I was at his age! When I spent a whole week debating whether or not to purchase a BackTech orthopedic chair with a little massager inside to help ease my back pain, he said, “Go for it!” One part of me was wondering if I can justify such an expense when it looks like the Arabs are planning to inflict a massiveChernobyl on the entire world! The other part of me said, “Enjoy every minute you have here!”

 

And so it goes throughout the day. Most of us feel some level of uncertainty and existential dread when we hear about the satanic megalomaniacs threatening to blow the world up. Our stomachs turn when we hear about brutal tortures and executions of soldiers and innocent children being blown up on buses and cafes. But if we allow ourselves to dwell on worst-case scenarios, we’re left feeling helpless and hopeless. There is nothing we can do about that war front. 

 

However, there is another eternal war which we must wage on the home front, the one in our hearts and minds. This is the one war where we can all be courageous, distinguished, brave soldiers – it’s the war against fear, selfishness, doubt, despair, laziness and indifference!   And on this front, there is much we can do.

 

For example, I’ve subscribed to a dozen Torah web sites so that my life is filled with learning throughout the day. The minute I feel my anxiety index rising, I’m a click away form tuning into the reason Hashem created this world. And as soon as I’ve made Havdalah, I set up my candles for the following Shabbos, so that they are always there, waiting like silent, obedient soldiers, reminding me that no matter what happens to me on a personal level or in the world, Shabbos will come and that I will do everything in my power to make sure they are lit if Hashem grants me another week of life.

 

And I take 30 second “breathing breaks” throughout the day. I close my eyes for a few seconds, lower my shoulders and breathe from my stomach and remind myself that every breath is a sign that Hashem is running the world perfectly, with love and wisdom, and that He knows exactly what I need to go through in this lifetime for my own personal tikkun. In response to all the violence in our lives, I made a “Relaxation tape,” which has soothing music (thanks to my friend, Riva Schertzman) with instructions on how to breathe in calming manner and think relaxing thoughts. (One side is for children and the other for adults). Working on this tape brought me great satisfaction and inspiration.

 

Finally, in addition to my full time job as a teacher and therapist, I take phone calls from desperately poor people and send checks and care packages throughout Israel. Our Sages tell us that generosity weakens the ego. The mere act of giving is what makes people feel truly powerful, not the phony sense of power which the Butcher of Bagdad is after. Wanting power over others is the source of all evil. Wanting to give is the source of all good. So I want to take this opportunity to thank the many JEWISH PRESS readers whose generosity has enabled the ADAHAN FUND FOR THE POOR to help so many, such as:

• Chaim Mishulami, the security officer of Itamar, was able to purchase bullet proof vests and a first aid station, thanks to the FUND.

•  Livnat Uzeri, whose husband was murdered 2 months ago, and whose home was bulldozed in the middle of a freezing night last week on orders from Jews who are doing everything in their power to give over this land to our enemies. Livnat and the other courageous souls who are manning isolated outposts and putting their lives in danger every day need to know that we care.

• Money was set aside to help impoverished college students, many of them new immigrants, continue their studies, thanks to the FUND.

• Sixty families are provided with money to help pay for food and medicine as well as electricity and gas.

• Amichai Dahan, a 20 year old who was badly injured in a terror incident a year ago, will soon have a computer and a teacher to tutor him to help him get on with his life. I’ve also spoken to a personal trainer who is willing to volunteer his time to help Amichai learn to walk again.

• The Bat Ayin community now has a recreation center, with a ping pong table and self-defense instructor.

This list goes on and on. Every time I write out a check, I silently bless the many JEWISH PRESS readers who have made my work possible. Thank you all for allowing me to be part of this effort to help and to heal. The very fact that these terror victims, including victims of domestic violence, know that someone cares is what gives them the courage to go on living and fighting their own inner battles against despair and hopelessness.

 

            Ultimately, the only fight we really need to engage in is the one with out own ego defenses. That’s what the book of Vayikra and the sacrifices are all about. It is our own selfishness (anochi’ut) which separates us from Hashem. When we give, we lessen the power of evil and feel the power of our own inner G-dliness. This is one battle which we can all wage with great success. True, it never ends, but that’s what this particular earth plane seems to be about – never ending battles! For it is on the battlefield that we test our mettle and discover who we really are. Without these inner battles, we would never know that we are capable of such self-sacrifice, courage and greatness.